The Greatest Love of All: Svadhyaya

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” 
― Marianne Williamson

 Confession:  I like Valentine's day.  I know everyone feels like it's the equivalent of Christmas for lover's with it's commerciality and explosion of cupids and hearts at the  local CVS and 99 cent store and the pressure of having a Valentine (or the loneliness of not having one), but I like the idea of having a day to celebrate and honor love in all forms.  

I know it should not be something that we relegate to a holiday and a commercial one at that.  Love is something we  carry in our hearts every day and every moment.  But if we are being honest, as beautiful and romantic a sentiment as that is, being open and present with our hearts and it's contents, especially showing love, can be much more complicated and challenging to live everyday no matter how good or strong our intention.  So why not have a day (or really a season which is what this month feels like!) where we are reminded to open, connect and live from and in love?  To consciously amplify our heart-space more. 
  
If I could re-work the holiday, I would have it be much more inclusive of not just our romantic partners, but of our friends, family, pets, and most especially ourselves.  

Now I know many a narcissist (heck, I've dated a couple!) who have no issue with this concept of self love and maybe take it as far as borderline sociopathic personality disorder.  Please note: this is not the self love I am speaking of!  I am talking about giving ourselves the attention we can sometimes give obsessively to a lover or a friend or relative.  

Have you ever gone through a break up and analyzed in detail all of the other person's possible rationalizations, issues, and thought processes in an often futile attempt to figure out why things didn't work out?  Or had a disagreement with a friend or relative and gone through the same process attempting to understand why they did what they did or said what they said?  Have you ever spent a whole day taking care of everyone you love (including the cat and dog) and collapsed in bed, not having done one thing for yourself or given yourself a single thought?

It's an obvious conundrum that we have all experienced at one time or another but worthy of reminder.  Why not analyze our actions, thoughts and emotions in as much detail (beware: not encouraging narcisism here, just self awareness!)?  Why don't we take a half hour (or shocker,  maybe even a whole one!) out of our day to fill our own wells and in doing so be more present and have something for the people in our lives to draw from when they need us?

In the Yoga Sutras, Master Patanjali describes one of the Niyamas, Svadhyaya as "self study".  And it is this process of self discovery that I am convinced is at the heart of why yoga works and why we flock to it.  Yoga is a practice that encourages us to go within - literally every part of us, body, mind, heart- and takes us to the very center of who we are with every inhale and exhale, reminding us we are a unique stamp on this small corner of the universe reflecting something large, imperfect, and yet utterly divine.  

Svadhyaya is not for the faint of heart: in fact it can be quite terrifying to look inside of ourselves which is why we must do so armed with love.   Going within means looking at all the good, bad and ugly.  Going within means sitting with all the places where we've been smashed to smithereens by life, and getting on our knees to sweep the pieces to put them back together with forgiveness, love and care.  It means doing this over, and over and over again because life in all it's gory and glory doesn't discriminate or stop coming.  Svadhyaya means understanding our thought processes by sitting down in stillness with them, meditating everyday or as often as we can which can be magical but also incredibly difficult to make the time for.  It means giving yourself all the compassion and empathy and acceptance you give your friends when they fuck up because no matter what they do, you love them and accept them as they are.  It means giving yourself THAT same benefit of the doubt, empathy and gentle care, releasing shame and self blame; being your own friend and lover, mother and father...it is looking for meaning and love in all its flawed, painful, ecstatic glory inside of ourselves

It's an uncomfortable process this knowing ourselves and loving ourselves and one that really goes on our whole lives as we evolve and grow more and more into our skin, into our minds and into our souls.  And it is soooo liberating if we stay with it.  And the world needs more people who love themselves and are comfortable in their inner and ​outer skin.  More people who are working on their liberation.

So this Valentines day, buy yourself a nice box (preferably heart shaped) of dark chocolate treats, sit in a hot bath listening to Diana Krall and write yourself a poem, and fire up the courage to open up your heart to yourself.   Because to quote Carrie Bradshaw in the final episode of the iconic show, Sex and the City "The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with ourselves."  ​